Secret 5: Reasonableness

“Let your reasonableness become known.”​—Philippians 4:5.

What this means. In successful families, husbands and wives make allowances for each other’s mistakes. (Romans 3:23) They are also neither unduly rigid nor overly permissive with their children. They set a modest number of household rules. When correction is needed, they give it “to the proper degree.”​—Jeremiah 30:11.

Why it matters. The Bible says that “the wisdom from above is . . . reasonable.” (James 3:17) God himself does not demand perfection from imperfect humans, so why should a married couple demand it from each other? Really, nitpicking over minor faults only produces resentment, not improvement. It is best to accept the fact that “we all stumble many times.”​—James 3:2.

Successful parents display reasonableness when dealing with their children. Their discipline is not excessive, nor are they “hard to please.” (1 Peter 2:18) They grant freedoms to adolescents who demonstrate a sense of responsibility. They do not try to micromanage. One reference work notes that trying to control every aspect of an adolescent’s life “is the equivalent of performing a violent and exhausting rain dance to make it rain. There won’t be any rain, but you will get worn out.”

Try this exercise. Rate your level of reasonableness by answering the following questions.

▪ When was the last time you praised your spouse?

▪ When was the last time you criticized your spouse?

Make a resolve. If you struggled to find an answer to the first question in the accompanying exercise but had no problem answering the second, think of a goal you could set with regard to your expectations.

Why not discuss with your spouse what resolves you both might make?

Think of some freedoms you could grant your adolescent as he or she demonstrates a sense of responsibility.

Why not have an open discussion with your adolescent about such issues as curfews?

[Picture on page 7]

Like a careful driver, a reasonable family member is prepared to yield