KODI anthu okwatirana akakangana ndiye kuti sakondana? Ayi sichoncho. Fernando ndi Sarah, omwe tawatchulawa amakondana kwambiri. Koma ngakhale mabanja ogwirizana kwambiri nthawi zina amakangana ndithu.

N’chifukwa chiyani okwatirana amakangana, ndipo tingatani kuti mikangano imeneyi isawononge banja lathu? Popeza kuti Mulungu ndi amene anayambitsa banja, ndi bwino kuona zimene Mawu ake Baibulo amanena pankhani imeneyi.​—Genesis 2:21, 22; 2 Timoteyo 3:16, 17.

Anthu ambiri okwatirana amafuna kuchitirana zinthu mwachikondi ndiponso mokoma mtima. Komabe, Baibulo limanena mosabisa kuti: “Onse ndi ochimwa ndipo ndi operewera pa ulemerero wa Mulungu.” (Aroma 3:23) Choncho, pakakhala kusiyana maganizo, nthawi zina kudziletsa kungakhale kovuta. Ndipo mkangano ukayambika ena zingawavute kwambiri kuti asalalate komanso kuti asalankhule mawu achipongwe. (Aroma 7:21; Aefeso 4:31) Kodi ndi zinthu zina ziti zimene zingayambitse mkangano?

Nthawi zambiri mwamuna ndi mkazi amanena zinthu m’njira zosiyana. Mwachitsanzo, mkazi wina dzina lake Michiko anati: “Titangokwatirana ndinazindikira kuti timafotokoza zinthu mosiyana pokambirana. Ndimakonda kufotokoza zimene zachitika, chimene chachititsa ndiponso mmene zachitikira. Koma mwamuna wanga amangofuna kudziwa kuti zatha bwanji.”

Vuto la Michiko silachilendo. M’mabanja ambiri, wina angafune kuti akambirane bwinobwino zonse zimene zachititsa kuti asiyane maganizo, pamene winayo safuna zokangana ndipo angayesetse kupewa kukambirana nkhaniyo. Ndipo  nthawi zina wina m’banja akamafuna kwambiri kuti akambirane nkhaniyo m’pamene winayo amayesetsanso kuipewa kwambiri. Kodi mukuona kuti zoterezi n’zimene zikuchitika m’banja lanu?

Mfundo ina yofunika kuiganizira ndi yokhudza banja limene munthu anachokera. Mmene munthu amalankhulira zingatengere banja limene anachokera. Bambo wina dzina lake Justin, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka zisanu anati: “Ndinachokera ku banja losalankhulalankhula ndipo zimandivuta kulankhula maganizo anga. Zimenezi zimakwiyitsa mkazi wanga. Banja limene mkazi wanga anachokera ndi lolankhulalankhula ndipo sizim’vuta kundiuza maganizo ake.”

Ofufuza za mabanja apeza kuti chizindikiro chenicheni cha banja losangalala si kuuzana pafupipafupi kuti amakondana kapena kugwirizana bwino pankhani za kugonana ngakhale kukhala ndi ndalama kumene. Koma chizindikiro chenicheni cha banja losangalala ndi mmene mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amathetsera mikangano yawo.

Ndipo Yesu anati amene amamanga pamodzi anthu okwatirana ndi Mulungu osati munthu. (Mateyo 19:4-6) Motero banja losangalala limalemekeza Mulungu. Koma ngati mwamuna sakonda ndi kuganizira mkazi wake, Yehova Mulungu sangamvetsere mapemphero ake. (1 Petulo 3:7) Ngati mkazi salemekeza mwamuna wake, ndiye kuti sakulemekeza Yehova amene anamuika mwamunayo kukhala mutu wa banja.​—1 Akorinto 11:3.

Kaya mumalankhula motani kapena munachokera ku banja lotani, mufunika kulankhula bwino kuti muthe kugwiritsa ntchito mfundo za m’Baibulo pothetsa mikangano. Dzifunseni mafunso awa:

‘Kodi ndimayankha zopweteketsa mtima?’

Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umati: “Popsinja mphuno, mwazi utulukamo; ndi polimbikira mkwiyo ndewu ionekamo.” (Miyambo 30:33) Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza chiyani? Taganizirani chitsanzo ichi. Pokambirana bajeti ya banja, mawu abwinobwino monga akuti (“tipewe kugula zinthu pangongole”) angayambitse kulozana chala n’kumanena mawu monga akuti (“suganiza bwino pogula zinthu iwe”). N’zoonadi mnzanuyo ‘akakufinyani mphuno yanu’ mwa kukulozani chala inunso mungafune ‘kum’finya’ yakeyo. Komatu, kubwezera sikuthetsa nkhani koma kumangoikolezera.

Yakobe, yemwe analemba nawo Baibulo anachenjeza kuti: “Tangoganizani mmene kamoto kakang’onong’ono kamayatsira nkhalango yaikulu! Inde, lilimenso ndi moto.” (Yakobe 3:5, 6) Ngati okwatirana sadziletsa polankhula, nkhani ing’onong’ono ingathe kukhala yaikulu. Ndipo m’mabanja amene nthawi zambiri mumachitika zimenezi mumasowa chikondi.

M’malo mobwezera, kodi mungatsanzire Yesu amene ponyozedwa “sanabwezere zachipongwe”? (1 Petulo 2:23) Njira imodzi yothetsera mkangano mwamsanga ndi kumvetsa maganizo a mnzanuyo ndiponso kupepesa pa zimene mwachita kuti mkanganowo ukule.

‘Kodi ndimalephera kuganizira mmene mkazi kapena mwamuna wanga akumvera?’

Mawu a Mulungu amatilamula kuti: “Nonsenu mukhale a maganizo amodzi, omverana chisoni.” (1 Petulo 3:8) Taonani zifukwa ziwiri zimene zingakulepheretseni kugwiritsa ntchito malangizo amenewa. Choyamba n’chakuti mungalephere kuzindikira maganizo a mnzanuyo kapena mmene iye akumvera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzanu akuvutika kwambiri maganizo ndi nkhani inayake ya m’banja lanu, mwina munganene kuti, “Ndi nkhani yaing’ono imeneyo.” Munganene zimenezi pofuna kum’thandiza kuti aone vutolo monga mmene inuyo mukulionera. Koma ndi anthu ochepa chabe amene mtima wawo umakhala pansi ndi mawu ngati amenewa. Aliyense amafunikira kudziwa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake amamumvetsa ndi kumuchitira chifundo.

 Mwamuna kapena mkazi akakhala wodzikweza kwambiri angamaonenso maganizo a mnzake ngati osafunika. Munthu wodzikweza amadziona kukhala wofunika kwambiri kuposa anzake ndipo nthawi zonse amayesetsa kunyalanyaza maganizo a anzake. Ndipo angamachite zimenezi pomutchula mnzakeyo maina onyoza kapena kumuyerekezera ndi anthu ena. Taganizirani chitsanzo cha Afarisi ndi alembi odzikweza a m’nthawi ya Yesu. Munthu wina, ngakhale Mfarisi mnzawo, akakhala ndi maganizo osiyana ndi awo, iwo ankamunyoza ndi kumutchula maina achipongwe. (Yohane 7:45-52) Koma Yesu anali wosiyana ndi amenewa. Iye ankawamvera chifundo anthu akamufotokozera mavuto awo.​—Mateyo 20:29-34; Maliko 5:25-34.

Taganizirani mmene mumachitira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akanena maganizo ake. Kodi mawu anu, mmene mumalankhulira, komanso nkhope yanu zimasonyeza kuti ndinu wachifundo? Kapena mumangonyalanyaza maganizo ake monga ngati walankhula zopanda pake?

‘Kodi nthawi zambiri ndimakayikira zolinga za mkazi kapena mwamuna wanga?’

Baibulo limati: “Kodi Yobu aopa Mulungu pachabe? Kodi simunam’tchinga iye ndi nyumba yake, ndi zake zonse, pom’zinga ponse?” (Yobu 1:9, 10) Mwa kunena mawu amenewa, Satana anakayikira zolinga za munthu wokhulupirika Yobu.

Ngati okwatirana sasamala, iwonso angakhale ndi vuto lomweli lokayikira zolinga za mnzawo. Mwachitsanzo, mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akakuchitirani chinthu chabwino, kodi mumadabwa n’kumaona kuti mwina akuphimba chinachake? Kapena kodi mnzanuyo akalakwitsa kenakake, mumaona kuti umenewu ndi umboni wakuti iye ndi wodzikonda ndiponso sasamala za inu? Kodi nthawi yomweyo mumakumbukira zinthu zina zimene analakwitsa m’mbuyomu ndi kukhalabe ndi maganizo osafuna kuiwala zimene walakwitsazi?

Mtumwi Paulo analemba kuti: “Chikondi . . . sichisunga zifukwa.” (1 Akorinto 13:4, 5) Munthu amene ali ndi chikondi chenicheni amadziwa kuti ndife opanda ungwiro ndiponso kuti timalakwitsa zinthu ndipo sasunga chakukhosi. Paulo ananenanso kuti chikondi “chimakhulupirira zinthu zonse.” (1 Akorinto 13:7) Sikuti munthu yemwe ali ndi chikondi chotere amangokhulupirira zilizonse. Ndipo samakayikira zochita za ena. Munthu wa chikondi chimene Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kukhala nacho amakhala wokonzeka kukhululukira ena ndipo samakayikira zolinga za ena. (Salmo 86:5; Aefeso 4:32) Anthu okwatirana akamasonyezana chikondi chimenechi, amakhala ndi banja losangalala.