MU GIHE habaye uguhazuka hagati y’abubakanye, ubwo vyoba bisigura ko batagikundana? Haba namba! Fernando be na Sarah, abo duhejeje kuvuga aho haruguru, barakundana cane. Ariko ntiwumve, mbere no mu mibano yifashe neza gusumba iyindi, ntikazobura kuza karacamwo hakavyuka amatati amwamwe.

None ni kubera iki mu rugo havyuka amatati, kandi mwokora iki kugira ngo ntasambure umubano wanyu? Kubera yuko umubano ari intunganyo yashizweho n’Imana, birabereye ko turimbura ico Ijambo ryayo Bibiliya rivuga ku bijanye n’umubano.​—Itanguriro 2:21, 22; 2 Timoteyo 3:16, 17.

Abubakanye benshi cane baripfuza gufatana mu buryo buranga ubuntu n’urukundo. Ariko rero, Bibiliya iravuga mu buryo bwumvikana yuko abantu “bose bacumuye bakaba badashikira ubuninahazwa bw’Imana” (Abaroma 3:23). Ni co gituma igihe ukutumvikana kwadutse, gucungera inyiyumvo zacu vyoshobora kuba ibitoroshe. Vyongeye, igihe uguhazuka gutanguye, hari aboshobora gusanga ari urugamba vy’ukuri kunanira utumenyero tubi, nk’uguterana amajambo be n’ugutukana (Abaroma 7:21; Abanyefeso 4:31). None ni ibindi bintu ibihe vyoshobora gutuma imitsi iranda?

Akenshi usanga umunega be n’umukenyezi bafise uburyo butandukanye bwo guserura iryo bagona. Umukenyezi yitwa Michiko avuga ati: “Tucubakana n’umunega wanje nasanze dufise uburyo butandukanye cane bwo kuganira ku bijanye n’ingorane. Jewe mba nipfuza ko tuyaga atari gusa ku biba vyashitse, ariko kandi ku gituma biba vyashitse be no ku kuntu biba vyagenze. Umunega wanje we bisa n’uko ashima ko tuganira gusa ku kuntu ibintu biba vyagenze”.

Iyo ngorane si Michiko wenyene ayifise. Mu mibano itari mike, hari aho umwe mu bubakanye yoshobora kuba ashima kurandira ku kutumvikana kuba kwabaye, mu gihe uwundi na we adashima guhazuka, gutyo agaca ashima kwirinda kuvuga ivy’ukwo kutumvikana. Rimwe na rimwe, usanga uko umwe mu bubakanye aguma arushiriza kurondera kuganira ivy’iyo ngorane, ari ko uwundi aguma arushiriza kugerageza kuvyirinda. Woba umaze kubona ivyo bintu bishika mu mubano wanyu? Umwe muri mwebwe yoba yama asa n’uwushima  kurandira ku ngorane, uwundi na we agashima kuvyirinda?

Ikindi kintu mukwiye kurimbura ni uko ukuntu ibintu vyari vyifashe mu muryango umuntu yarerewemwo vyoshobora kugira ico bikoze ku kuntu abona ibijanye n’ingene abubakanye bakwiye guseruriranira akari ku mutima. Uwitwa Justin, uno akaba amaze imyaka itanu yubatse, avuga ati: “Nturuka mu muryango ucereje akaba ari co gituma bitanyorohera guserura ata guhisha ukuntu niyumva. Ivyo birashavuza umukenyezi wanje. Umuryango wewe aturukamwo uroroherwa cane no kuvuga, akaba ari co gituma ata ngorane agira mu kunserurira ukuntu yiyumva”.

Abashakashatsi basanze ikintu co kwizigirwa kuruta ibindi vyose cerekena umubano ufise agahimbare atari incuro abubakanye babwirana ko bakundana. Kuba bumvikana ku bijanye no kurangura amabanga y’abubatse be no kuba batekaniwe mu vy’ubutunzi, na vyo nyene si vyo bintu bihambaye cane mu mubano. Ahubwo riho, ikintu nyamukuru cerekana umubano uhimbawe, ni ukuntu umunega n’umukenyezi bavyifatamwo neza mu gutorera umuti amatati ayo ari yo yose avyuka mu mubano wabo.

Bisubiye, Yezu yavuze ko igihe umugabo n’umugore bubakanye, Imana iba ari yo ibafatanije, abantu ataba ari bo baba babafatanije (Matayo 19:4-6). Kubw’ivyo rero, umubano w’ababiranye mwiza uratera iteka Imana. Ariko rero, igihe umunega atagaragariza umukenyezi wiwe urukundo be n’ukumwitwararika, Yehova Imana arashobora kutumviriza amasengesho yiwe (1 Petero 3:7). Igihe umukenyezi na we atubaha umunega wiwe, mu vy’ukuri aba atubaha Yehova we yagenye umunega ngo abe umutwe w’umuryango.​—1 Abakorinto 11:3.

Waba ukoresha uburyo ubuhe mu guserura iryo ugona canke wakuriye mu muryango umeze gute, hariho imvugo zimwezimwe zibabaza utegerezwa kwirinda nimba ushaka gushira mu ngiro ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya, gutyo ugatorera umuti ingorane mu buryo bwiza. Niwibaze ibi bibazo:

‘Noba ndwanya agatima ko kwihora?’

Umugani umwe uranga ubukerebutsi uvuga uti: “Guhotora izuru kuzana amaraso . . . kandi no kuvyura uburake kuzuna imitongano” (Imigani 30:33). None ivyo bisobanura iki? Rimbura aka karorero. Ikintu mu ntango catanguye nk’aho ari ukutabona ibintu kumwe ku bijanye no gukoresha amahera y’urugo (nk’akarorero umwe akavuga ati: “Turakeneye gutegekanya ukuntu tuzokoresha amahera”) coshobora guhindukamwo bukwi na bukwi ukunebagura uko uwo mwubakanye ameze (nk’akarorero ukavuga uti: “Wewe uri sindabinezwe”). Vy’ukuri, mu gihe uwo mwubakanye ‘ahotoye izuru ryawe’ mu kunebagura ukuntu umeze, woshobora kwumva na wewe woca ‘umuhotora’. Ariko rero, ukwihora nta kindi gushikanako atari gutuma mushavura be no kwunyura ukwo kutumvikana.

Yakobo umwe mu banditsi ba Bibiliya yatanze ingabisho igira iti: “Ehe! Ese ingene bisaba akariro gakeyi kugira ngo umuntu adomeke ishamba rinini cane! Erega, ururimi ni umuriro” (Yakobo 3:5, 6). Igihe abubakanye badashoboye gucungera ururimi rwabo, ukutumvikana mu tuntu tudoduto kurashobora gukomera ningoga na ningoga kugacika amatati akomeye. Vyongeye, imibano yama ishikirwa n’ukwo guhazuka gukomeye ituma mu rugo haba ahantu urukundo rudashobora gutsimbatarira.

Aho kwihora, woba ushobora kwigana Yezu, we igihe yaba atutswe ‘atasubizayo igitutsi’? (1 Petero 2:23). Uburyo bwihuta kuruta ubundi bwo gusukamwo mabisi igihe hadutse uguhazuka, ni ukwemera ko uwo mwubakanye yoshobora kuba abona ibintu mu buryo bwiza be n’ugusaba imbabazi ku bw’uruhara wagize muri ayo matati.

‘Noba ntafatana uburemere canke mfatira mu rwara inyiyumvo z’uwo twubakanye?’

Ijambo ry’Imana ritegeka riti: “Mwese muhuze ivyiyumviro, mugira impuhwe” (1 Petero 3:8). Rimbura zibiri mu mpamvu zoshobora gutuma udashira mu ngiro iyo mpanuro. Impamvu imwe ni uko woshobora kuba udatahura ibiri mu muzirikanyi w’uwo mwubakanye, ni ukuvuga inyiyumvo ziwe. Nk’akarorero, nimba uwo mwubakanye ashikirwa no guhagarika umutima ku bintu bimwebimwe kuruta uko  wewe bigushikira, woshobora kugira impengamiro yo kuvuga uti: “Emwe, nawe uraheba ukarenza urugero!”. Ushobora kuba ubigiranye intumbero yo gufasha uwo mwubakanye kugira ngo abone iyo ngorane mu buryo buri ku burimbane. Ariko rero, usanga ari abantu bake cane baremeshwa n’amajambo mwene ayo. Bompi, abanega n’abakenyezi, baripfuza kumenya ko abo bakunda babatahura bakongera bakabagirira impuhwe.

Kugira ubwibone burenze na vyo nyene birashobora gutuma umuntu afatira mu rwara inyiyumvo z’uwo bubakanye. Umuntu w’umunyabwibone aragerageza kwishira hejuru mu kwama ashira abandi hasi. Yoshobora kubigira mu kubaha amazina yo kubatyoza be no mu kubagereranya n’ibintu bibi. Rimbura akarorero k’Abafarizayo n’abanditsi bo mu gihe ca Yezu. Igihe haba hagize umuntu aseruye iciyumviro gitandukanye n’ic’abo bantu bibona, mbere naho yaba ari Umufarizayo mugenzi wabo, baca batangura kumuha amazina yo kumutyoza be no kuvuga amajambo yo kumusuzugura (Yohani 7:45-52). Yezu we yari atandukanye na bo. Yaragaragariza impuhwe abandi igihe baba bariko baramwitura.​—Matayo 20:29-34; Mariko 5:25-34.

Niwiyumvire ukuntu uvyifatamwo igihe uwo mwubakanye aba ariko arakubwira ibimuraje ishinga. Ubwo amajambo ukoresha, urugero rw’ijwi ryawe be n’ukuntu mu maso hawe haba hameze, vyoba bigaragaza ko umufitiye impuhwe? Canke woba uca ugerageza kwihutira kwirengagiza inyiyumvo ziwe?

‘Noba akenshi niyumvira ko uwo twubakanye akora ibintu abitumwe n’imvo z’ubwikunzi?’

“Mbeg’ugira ngo Yobu yubahira Imana ubusa? Ntiwamuzitiriye uruzitiro rumukikije, bo n’inzu yiwe, n’ivy’atunze vyose?” (Yobu 1:9, 10). Mu kuvuga ayo majambo, Shetani yaravyuye ugukekeranya ku bijanye n’imvo zatuma wa mugabo w’umwizigirwa Yobu akora ibintu.

Mu gihe abubakanye batoba maso, boshobora kugwa mu mutego nk’uwo. Nk’akarorero, mbega igihe uwo mwubakanye agukoreye ikintu ciza, woba uca wibaza ico ashaka gushikako canke ico ariko arapfukapfuka? Igihe uwo mwubakanye akoze ikosa, woba uca ubona ko ari icemeza c’uko yikunda kandi atakwitwararika? Woba uca wibuka ayandi makosa nk’ayo yagukoreye maze n’iryo ugaca uryongera kuri ayo?

Intumwa Paulo yanditse ati: “Urukundo . . . ntiruza ruraharura ikibi” (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5). Urukundo nyakuri rurabona. Ariko kandi ntiruguma ruharura ikibi. Paulo yavuze kandi yuko urukundo “rwemera vyose” (1 Abakorinto 13:7). Ariko rero ivyo ntibishaka kuvuga ko urwo rukundo rutuma umuntu yemera ivyo abwiwe vyose, ahubwo ni ukuvuga ko rwiteguriye kwizigira ibivugwa. Ntirugira amakenga, kandi ntirugira umwikeko. Urukundo Bibiliya ituremesha kugira ruriteguriye guharira kandi rutuma abantu bemera n’umutima ukunze ko imvo zituma abandi bakora ibintu ari nziza (Zaburi 86:5; Abanyefeso 4:32). Igihe abubakanye bagaragarizanya urukundo nk’urwo, baragira umubano urangwamwo agahimbare.