Uthanda imidlalo; ngoxa iqabane lakho lizithandela ukufunda. Uthanda ukuba izinto zakho zihambe ngocwangco; lona iqabane lakho alicwangcisi kakuhle. Uyakuthanda ukuphuma nokuba kunye nabantu; lona iqabane lakho lithanda ukuba lodwa.

Uzixelela ukuba ‘Asifanelani! Kutheni singazange siyibone ngoxa sasisathandana loo nto?’

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba wawuyibonile ukusa kumkhamo othile. Kodwa ngelo xesha ezinye izinto wawungazihoyi ukuze uphephe ingxabano—nto leyo onokuyenza ngoku ekubeni utshatile. Eli nqaku liza kukunceda ukwenze oko. Kodwa ke kuqala, makhe siqwalasele izinto eziyinyaniso ngabantu abangafaniyo.

Okunye ukungafani kuyingxaki. Eyona nto ifanele ijongwe xa kuthandanwa kukufanelana. Ngenxa yoko, xa kuvela iingxaki, abanye abantu baye bohlukane kunokuba bangene kumtshato wabantu abangavaniyo. Kuthekani ke ngeengxaki ezingenamsebenzi—ezingaphephekiyo ezibakho kuwo nawuphi na umtshato?

Akho bantu babini bafana twatse. Ngoko, kuqhelekile ukuba amaqabane angavisisani kwezinye zezi nkalo:

Izinto onomdla kuzo. Inkosikazi enguAnna * ithi “Ukuphuma siye kuzihlaziya ngaphandle asinto endandiyithanda, kodwa umyeni wam wakhula enyuka iintaba ezinekhephu ibe ephinyela emahlathini iintsuku.”

Imikhwa. Indoda enguBrian ithi, “Unkosikazi wam uyakwazi ukuhlala kude kube sebusuku aphinde akwazi ukuvuka ngo-5:00 ekuseni kodwa ukuze ndingabi nachuku, mna kuye kufuneke ndilale iiyure ezisixhenxe ukuya kwezisibhozo.”

Iimpawu. Usenokuba ngumntu othuleyo, ngoxa iqabane lakho lona likhululekile. Indoda enguDavid ithi, “Ndikhule ndingathethi ngeengxaki zam zobuqu, ngoxa inkosikazi yam ikhulele kwintsapho ekwakuthethwa ngezinto ngokukhululekileyo.”

Ukungafani kunokuba luncedo. Inkosikazi enguHelena ithi, “Imbono yam isenokubonakala ilungile, kodwa loo nto ayithethi kuthi yiyo yodwa enokusetyenziswa.”

Lixhase. Umyeni onguAdam uthi: “UKaren unkosikazi wam akanamdla kwaphela kwezemidlalo. Nangona kunjalo, uye wahamba nam ukuya kweminye imidlalo kwaye uye wonwaba kunye nam. Kwelinye icala, uKaren uyazithanda iimyuziyam zemizobo, ngoko ndiye ndihambe naye, size sichithe elo xesha afuna silichithe. Ndiye ndizame kangangoko ukubonisa umdla kwimizobo kuba ndiyayazi ukuba ibalulekile kuye.”—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: 1 Korinte 10:24.

Yandisa imbono yakho. Ngenxa yokuba imbono yakho yahlukile kweyeqabane lakho, loo nto ayithethi kuthi imbono yakhe iphosakele. Esi sisifundo esafundwa ngumyeni onguAlex. “Ndandisoloko ndivakalelwa ukuba inye indlela yokwenza into kwaye ukuyenza ngenye indlela kwakuya kusilela. Kodwa ukutshata kundincede ndaqonda ukuba zininzi iindlela zokwenza into kwaye nganye kuzo isebenza ngendlela yayo.”—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: 1 Petros 5:5.

Sukuziqhatha. Ukufanelana akuthethi ukuba niyafana. Sukugqiba kwelokuba umtshato wakho ubuyimpazamo ngenxa yokungavisisani okuye kwavela. Incwadi ethi The Case Against Divorce ithi, “Abantu abaninzi baye bazithethelele ngokuthi, ‘Ndamfanyekiswa luthando.’” Le ncwadi iqhubeka ithi, “yonke imihla eniyichitha kunye nonwabile ibonisa ukuba nakubeni kukho ukungavisisani, ninako ukuthandana. Zamani ‘ukuqhubeka ninyamezelana nokuba nabani na unesizathu sokukhalazela omnye.’”—Kolose 3:13.

Khawuzame eli cebiso: Bhala phantsi izinto ozithandayo ngeqabane lakho nezinenza nifanelane. Emva koko, bhala izinto ezinenza nahluke. Usenokuphawula ukuba izinto enahluke ngazo azibalulekanga ngale ndlela ubucinga ngayo. Ezi zinto ziza kukubonisa apho unokuyekelela okanye ulixhase khona iqabane lakho. Umyeni onguKenneth uthi: “Ndiyavuya xa inkosikazi yam ikhawulelana nam kwaye ndiyazi ukuba nayo iyavuya xa ndisenza okufanayo. Nokuba kufuneka ndincame okuthile, ukuyibona yonwabile kuyandonwabisa.”—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Filipi 4:5.