UMTSHATO uwodwa uneengxaki zawo, kodwa ke ziyanda xa elinye iqabane lilala ngandletyananye ngenxa yesifo esinganyangekiyo, ngoxa elinye iqabane lingumqabaqaba. * Ngaba wonga iqabane lakho eligulayo? Ukuba kunjalo ngaba ikho imeko ekuxhalabisayo kwezi zilandelayo? ‘Kuza kwenzeka ntoni xa impilo yakhe iya isiba mandundu? Kuya kude kube nini ndimonga, ndipheka, ndicoca ndize ndiphangele? Kutheni ndiziva ndinetyala ngokuba sempilweni?’

Kwelinye icala, ukuba nguwe ogulayo, usenokuba uyazibuza: ‘Ndingazihlonela njani ekubeni ndingakwazi ukudlala eyam indima? Ngaba iqabane lam lindixhibile kuba ndigula? Ngaba asinakuze siphinde sonwabe?’

Okulusizi kukuba eminye imitshato ayikhange ikwazi ukumelana namaxesha anjalo. Kodwa loo nto ayithethi ukuba nowakho umtshato uza kuphela.

Imitshato emininzi iyaqhubeka yaye yonwabe nangona kukho onempilo enkenenkene. Umzekelo nguYoshiaki noKazuko. UYoshiaki wenzakala umnqonqo waza wafa umzimba. UKazuko uthi: “Umyeni wam kufuneka ancediswe kuyo yonke into ayenzayo. Ekubeni ndimonga, umzimba wam uyaqaqamba yaye ndiquqa kwisibhedlele samathambo. Loo nto indenza ndicinge ukuba ukonga umntu ogulayo luxanduva.” Kodwa ke nakuba kunjalo, uKazuko uthi: “Siye sasondelelana ngakumbi.”

Yintoni enokunenza nonwabe xa nikwimeko enjalo? Abantu abazama ukuhlala bonwabile emtshatweni wabo nangona omnye wabo egula, bakujonga ukugula njengokuhlasela bona bobabini kungekhona nje iqabane eligulayo lodwa. Phofu xa omnye egula bobabini baba buhlungu, enokuba kungeendlela  ezingafaniyo. Olu lwalamano lwendoda nomfazi luchazwe kakuhle kwiGenesis 2:24: “Kungenxa yoko le nto indoda iya kumshiya uyise nonina, inamathele emfazini wayo baze babe nyama-nye.” Ngenxa yoko, xa omnye egula, kubalulekile ukuba indoda nomfazi basebenzisane ukuze balwe naloo meko.

Ukongezelela koko, uphando lubonisa ukuba indoda nomfazi wayo abaqhubeka bonwabile nakuba omnye enesifo esinganyangekiyo, bayayamkela imeko yabo baze bafunde iindlela zokuphila nayo. Ezinye zeendlela abaye bazifunda ukuze baphile nale meko ziyafana namacebiso afumaneka eBhayibhileni. Khawuphonononge la macebiso mathathu alandelayo.

INtshumayeli 4:9 ithi: “Ababini balunge ngakumbi kunomnye.” Ngoba? Ivesi 10 iyachaza, “ngokuba xa omnye wabo esiwa, omnye unokuliphakamisa iqabane lakhe.” Ngaba ‘uyaliphakamisa’ iqabane lakho ngokuthetha izinto ezibonisa ukuba uyalixabisa?

Ngaba niyakwazi ukubona iindlela eninokuncedana ngazo? UYong onomfazi ofe icala uthi: “Ndiye ndizame ukumcingela ngamaxesha onke umfazi wam. Xa ndinxaniwe, ndiye ndimcingele naye. Xa ndifuna ukubethwa ngumoya phandle, ndiye ndimbuze ukuba akufuni na yena. Siwanyamezela sobabini la maxesha obunzima.”

Kwelinye icala ukuba nguwe owongiwayo, ngaba zikho izinto onokukwazi ukuzenza ungakhange ubeke impilo yakho esichengeni? Ukuba kunjalo, loo nto inokuba negalelo ekukwenzeni uzive ubalulekile ize ikhuthaze neqabane lakho.

Kunokuba ucinge ukuba uyayazi yonke into eliyifunayo iqabane lakho, kutheni ungalibuzi ukuba yintoni elingathanda ukwenzelwa yona? UNancy ebekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni, wada wamxelela umyeni wakhe indlela awayevakalelwa ngayo ngokungaxelelwa ngeendleko zentsapho. Ngoku umyeni wakhe uyamxelela.

UKumkani uSolomon owayesisilumko wathi: “Yonke into inexesha layo elimisiweyo.” (INtshumayeli 3:1) Noko ke, isenokubonakala ingenakwenzeka into yokuba nocwangciso olulungeleleneyo xa ucinga ngendlela ekuyiphazamisa ngayo intsapho ukuba nomntu ogulayo. Yintoni eninokuyenza ukuze nihlale nilungelelene?

Ninokukhe niziphe ithuba lokucinga ngezinye izinto ezingenanto yakwenza nempilo. Ngaba ningakwazi ukwenza ezinye zezinto enanizenza kunye engekaguli omnye? Ukuba aninakukwazi, ziziphi ezinye izinto eninokuzenza? Isenokuba zizinto ezilula njengokufundelana iincwadi okanye ezilucelomngeni njengokufunda ulwimi ulutsha. Ukwenza izinto ezingenakuthanani nesigulo eso kuya kukomeleza “ukuba nyama nye kwenu” kuze kunenze nonwabe.

Enye into enokuba luncedo kukuhlala nabanye abantu. IBhayibhile ithi kwiMizekeliso 18:1: “Ozahlulayo uya kufuna ulangazelelo lwakhe lokuzingca; uya kuphambuka kubo bonke ubulumko bobuqili.” Uphawule ukuba le vesi ithi ukuzahlula kunokuba nemiphumo emibi engqondweni? Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ukuhlala nabanye abantu ngamaxesha athile kunokunihlaziya kuze kunenze nibe nembono efanelekileyo ngezinto. Kutheni ningakhe nimeme omnye umntu?

 Maxa wambi kuye kube nzima ukuba ahlale elungelelene amaqabane anyamekela abayeni okanye abafazi bawo. Abanye bazibhokoxa ngokugqithiseleyo, baze baphelelwe ngamandla nto leyo ebeka esichengeni nempilo yabo. Ekugqibeleni, umntu onjalo ude angakwazi ukuqhubeka enyamekela isithandwa sakhe. Ukuba unyamekela impilo yeqabane lakho musa ukungayihoyi eyakho. Zibekele ixesha lokuzihlaziya. * Abanye baye bakufumanisa kunika isiqabu ukuthetha ngezinto ezibaxhalabisayo nabahlobo babo abathembekileyo besini esifanayo.

IBhayibhile ilumkisa isithi: “Musa ukuthi: ‘Kutheni le nto imihla yangaphambili ibilunge ngakumbi kunale?’” (INtshumayeli 7:10) Musa ukuchitha ixesha usithi “akwaba.” Ukhumbule ukuba akusoloko kumnandi kulo mhlaba. Into efunekayo kukuyamkela imeko yakho uze uphile nayo.

Yintoni enokuninceda? Thethani ngeentsikelelo eniye nazifumana. Vuya xa kusibakho umnyinyiva empilweni yakho. Yibani nezinto enikhangele phambili kuzo, nize nizibekele usukelo eninokulufikelela.

UShoji noAkiko baye basisebenzisa esi siluleko, baza bafumana imiphumo emihle. Emva kokuba kufunyaniswe ukuba uAkiko unesifo esibizwa ngokuba yifibromyalgia, esenza umzimba ube buhlungu uze udinwe, kwafuneka ukuba bayiyeke inkonzo ekhethekileyo yexesha elizeleyo. Ngaba badimazeka? Kungokwemvelo ukuba badimazeke. Sekunjalo uShoji ubacebisa kanje abantu abakwimeko efana neyakhe: “Musa ukuzityhafisa ngokucinga ngezinto ongasakwaziyo ukuzenza. Cinga ngezinto ezakhayo. Enokuba nobabini ninethemba lokuba izinto ziza kulunga ngenye imini, jonganani nemeko enikuyo ngoku. Kum, loo nto ithetha ukuhoya umfazi wam ndize ndimncede.” Eli cebiso linokukunceda nawe ukuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukongiwa.